Many people say that, “I look like I have my shit together.”
Yes I LOOK like it.
I put a lot of energy into keeping my shit together.
But if I wouldn't shove a bunch of medications down my throat every day, I would LOOK like the trainwreck that I FEEL like without them.
Because the world wants me to be a put together person and the other option in my case would be a medication addicted mess. And it's tiring to meet these expectations, since I am none of them.

In order to prove this, I will live and sleep on a stage for five days, move my whole room there, and show you my reality in a closeup. It is like an online Zoo with a human. I exhibit myself living through my everyday struggles and joys. A reality in which I can’t sleep without medications, but also can’t function during the day with some of them. A video-projected intimacy where the creatures from my dreams draw the medications for me from the Fever/dream-slot-machine, help me with moving my room and wander around, while I am sleeping.

The performance will show the life of Eszter, whose perception of time does not correspond with the societal standards, whose behavior sometimes diverts from what is considered as normal. Not because she is a mess, or an addict, but because of mental health conditions, such as Depression, ADHD or Autism.

This crip time illustrates the characteristics of illnesses, which can cause i.a. time to slow down, unravel or create the feeling of asynchronicity. We intend to expose this dualism, which is also considered as the common social narrative, as an unrealistic expectation. The performance aims to show that seemingly well-functioning people can suffer from the collective maintenance of this pseudo-normality. We want to normalize the experiences and strategies of people living with mental or physical illnesses. The artistic elaboration deals with the question of visibility within the discourse.

Credits:
Idea, concept, performance: Eszter Sonnevend
Dramaturgy, production: Tobias Hahnefeld
Technical set-up: Felix Schwarzrock
Live Video: Nargess Behrouzian, Michael Eberle, Hanna Launikovich, Fabian Maas, Damian Obara, Victor Marc, Paula Morè, Lotte Schäfer, Barabas Szigeti, Annika Wenderoth, Ira Wichert
Mental health coordination: Tina Maria Ulrich
Medication support: Olen Mamai
And other important supporters, who do not wish to be named.

Sponsored by the Hessian Theater Academy and many thanks from the team: Living the / fever / dream